It appears that the dreaded shrinks, i.e. empty nest syndrome is not just the loss of my baby to school, but the loss of me. The Who Am Me thing is rather getting in the way as I now have…
an overbearing pressure to: Get.A.Job.
This makes me feel incompetent – I haven’t had a proper job in over eight years. My last job was freelancing in Barcelona – as long as I made enough dough to cover my rent, which was minimal, buy a few bottles of vino tinto, crackers, garlic, olive oil – life was sweet.
Falling pregnant with twins in Barca sent my life spinning, unhinged, in a very different direction…I have barely looked up since, until this week. But, woooaahh, the view is extremely different.
The pernicious 21st century idea that women, and men, can have it all, is, quite frankly: a load of bollocks. This anxiety inducing mirage pedalled by the media, consumerism and, quite probably, our own insecure ego is a total pain in the arse – isn’t it?
Everyone feels the same, surely, yet don’t we all push on with this corrupt illusion of trying to outdo each other.
Will jelly-making and washing socks be enough to withstand the outside pressure I wonder…
Yet, yet, YET. YES. There is the answer: it is outside pressure and I am allowing it to invade my psyche. Who actually expects me to achieve all this STUFF? The beautiful house, the handsome husband, the mind-blowing sex-life, the contented, socially-adept children, the fabulous career and socially keeping up.
Who expects it?
And therein lies my problem.