The Jelly Bitch

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I have spent the last few weeks hustling, trying to make a little bit of extra mullah on the side through the sales of my most infamous jellies. Jelly is beautiful – it is like a little piece of art – each jar of jelly a wonder to behold, the colours jewel-like, the texture sort of wobbly with a sweet and delicate firmness that can handle hot muffins and toast like nothing else. Jam is so passé, even if I do say so myself – and I have too, I’m hustling jelly here. P1030634 My Organic Apple & Chilli Jelly absolutely rules the cheese board – and with good reason it has a sweet, Somerset apple top-note that is immediately followed by the deep warmth and kick of chilli. I gave my people tasters: the Chill Jelly with a side of Cornish Yarg, the Apple & Blackberry with some fresh crusty baguette, plenty of home-made vanilla fudge and hand-made salted milk chocolates with crushed pistachios  to boot.

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What I began to notice was that lots of folk would come and have a good free feast and then bugger off with not so much as a penny spent – you know exactly when someone has tasted your wares and then decided not to buy, they will avoid your eye and then silently slope off – this goes with the territory however, with every sloper there is another purchaser…

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To do a stall is a lot of hard work but so worthwhile to hang out with the general – and often utterly strange and hilarious – public in a joyful sharing of all things scrumdiddly and beautiful. On top of that I made enough to buy a fire pit for the garden!

Pea. S. The Bath W.I. Ladies do not like fudge…

Pancake Love

 

Pancake Love
Pancake Love

You know when you have one of those arguments with your old man, you know the ones which last several days and sees you straddling the edge of the marital bed in a bid to get as far away as possible from your betrothed. When, the same argument gets regurgitated round and round and you wonder how long this will endure before one of you will a) file for divorce or b) say sorry.

Alcohol can work in mysterious ways; effectively fueling the angst and danger of stubborn cupboard love. Or, just days later, oiling the wheels of coherent apologies and civilised behavior.

And in the sweet cold light of morning to maintain this new state of grace with your love make him some pancakes and coffee…freshly flipped, steaming with hot butter, maple syrup and remorse.

 

 

5:2 Diet

Correct me if I’m wrong but do you really need to buy a whole book based on the 5:2 diet? The principles are simple and the practise even easier. Here is your one-way ticket to feeling a whole shit load better in a simple and manageable way…

The 5:2 diet is basically eating normally for five days of the week and fasting for two. Fasting refers to restricting your calories to a limited intake of 500 for women and 600 for men.

Why?

The theory is that our bodies produce growth hormone IGF1, which, when we are young helps us grow. As adults this same hormone appears to cause aging and high levels of it are linked to cancer and diabetes among other illnesses.  According to some studies, fasting lowers IGF1 levels, slowing the growth of new cells, which in turn allows your body to repair existing cells. And, wonderfully, it also encourages fat to burn so that you can lose weight, but slowly. Other studies claim that fasting protects you from brain diseases such as Parkinsons and Alzheimers. Furthermore, experiments in mice have shown that fasting increased their lifespans.

However, none of this is proven, and therein lies the rub for many, so of course you have to look at this objectively and decide whether it would work for you personally.

It all seems waaay to good to be true, you can live longer, look leaner and feel younger: BRING IT ON! I hear you shout.

For some people eating very little, even if it is only twice a week can be truly hard, almost impossible, especially if you work in a very physical industry or you are just one of those weirdoes who get the shakes and need to eat, as soon as you feel hungry, or you start shouting LOUDLY at passers by. This, obviously isn’t for everyone, plus, none of the above research could be in anyway factual or right – so you could spend the next ten years denying yourself sarnies and victoria sponge for two days out of every seven…hmm.

BUT, there is no denying the fact that physically it makes you feel leaner and healthier, mentally it makes you feel ready for; anything, AND you get to be a normal person, i.e. share a meal with friends, drink wine on Fridays, for the rest of the week – it is a win-win situation.

So what do you actually eat?

This could cause anxiousness and palpitations amongst those of you who do not know what 500/600 calories look like; let me tell you it isn’t a whole lot,  but, remember: THAT IS THE POINT….don’t forget that now. But, the VERY NEXT day you can have cheese on toast and a pint of ale for breakfast – OK?

As a mama of trois, and counting, (just kidding) friends, well one anyway (Hi Reb) wonder how can you fast and feed your ever-demanding trio of offspring and hunk of man (unless he’s on this path with you) without stuffing your face with biscuits and leftover pasta? I feel like a preacher here, it takes just one teeny tiny thing: WILLPOWER…yes, my friends, or friend, willpower, a beautiful thing and one a lot of women find tricksy (unless they are, very, anal).

Up my fasting sleeve lies my super weapon: a cucumber…yes, I love cucumber and boy there are so few calories in cucumber you can eat them all day – is this helping you? Image

No. Ok.

it works like this, either eat your entire 500 calories in one clean sweep – for lunch or supper or just spread it out. For me its all about the cucumber, I have no breakfast, some crackers with marmite and, yup, cucumber, at lunch and then I splurge on my supper with my chou chou soup or a piece of fish simply baked in the oven with lemon juice, freshly sliced ginger and fresh chilli – eat this with a large cruncy salad or some steamed vegetables ands it is just the ticket before retreating to le boudoir to fantasise about breakfast: a pint of ale and cheese on toast.

(Also, pour moi, I do not, and cannot and WILL not measure the milk in my tea or cafe as part of the 500 calories. She’s cheating, you mutter, yes, well, maybe – but it is the only way to get through this, trust me: with plenty of cups of the old rosie lea.)

Fresh chilli, ginger, salt, pepper and lemon juice is my hot tip, these are your new best friends Image(and salad and vegetables of course): use these in abundance to flavour any soup or salad and you’ll wonder why you ever used olive oil or butter in the first place, until the next day that is…

One last thing, I am no doctor, please do this of your own free will and don’t blame me if you suddenly feel a zillion times better and can, finally, get those skinny jeans over your arse…