A Peaceful Pony

Where do you find your ultimate peace and calm?

Pottering in the garden, walking through a field, running in the early morning mist, sipping your first coffee of the day, swimming in the ocean or perhaps a hot steamy shower?

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For me the answer is rude, unwomanly, and downright dishonourable – it is, quite simply, the lav – yes, la toilette – say it in a French accent and it sounds possibly more acceptable?

Non?

But nothing is more joyful and utterly beguiling than finding five minutes to sit in quiet contemplation, with not a soul around and simply delight in the incredible design and mechanics of your beautiful, functioning, bowel system.

Is it wrong to freely admit this?

A year and a half ago I lost my father to bowel Cancer – on his journey from health, to ill-health, to chronic disease and finally death – one of the first faculties he lost was his ability to pee and poo for himself.

He had two bags (stomas – I do believe) fitted onto his stomach – incredible though that is, that medicine can today extend life simply by re-plumbing your system, his embarrassment and consciousness, the constant emptying, changing and fear of explosions never left him and since the day he had those two bags fitted, I have realised the true beauty of my buttocks and appreciated my functioning, healthy, bowel system ever since.

As a mother of three children, having a drop of personal space, where not a soul can locate or bother you – is, also, more than extraordinarily appealing.

Oh, and by the way, please ensure you enjoy your pony in private, leaving the door open is seriously a NON NON! Save your marriage and keep your personal ablutions to yourself, just ensure you have a decent newspaper, magazine, comic or book in there. The Saturday Guardian – my personal preference..

Do try and attempt to keep the magic in your relationship for a little while longer for crying out loud.

So where do you find your ultimate peace?

NB: Pony & Trap – Cockney rhyming slang for: Crap

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